Another hole.
I am back at last. Spend half a day with my bf and another half with family..
I have nothing much to elaborate now, maybe tomorrow.
Sigh, Mummy asked if your busy schedule have affected our relationship. I lied and said no, because I didn't want her to worry about me. But the fact was, it really did affect our relationship. And the problem was not because of your busy schedule..
We are beginning to drift apart from each other, and my heart hurts alot. Why?
We used to have a lot to talk to. Now whenever we're in the bus or we're just on the streets walking, we just keep silent. I tried talking, but it felt as though we're world apart.
Why? I keep asking myself why. What happened throughout all these?
Today I really feel like stepping out of you again, I was so hurt it was so painful and torturous. But my heart, yes once again its my heart taking control. My heart resisted, I really love you wholeheartedly from the bottom of my heart.
Please imagine, from the start till now. My feelings for you gradually grew, you became a part of me that I wouldn't do without you. I really wonder why sometimes you put me in such a difficult spot when all I did was loving you, I've done nothing to hurt you. Why? Was it wrong to shower all the love I had on you? Now I forgot to love myself, to care for myself. I always put you in front of everything else that is important. That is why, this is happening to us now.
I really hope, this is just another ordeal. I wish I could hang on..I don't wish to give up on us.
Stop claiming the world you're living in is called 'your' own world. Its 'our' world, never ever its 'yours'. Ever since I gave up singlehood, the world we live in is called 'ours'. Its either us or ours. No you or me. Please. Stop giving me hurtful comments on how you regard our relationship as. I'm trying to put in all that I can, please..Don't force me to give up...
Come to think about it, you're the first guy I've ever loved so much. You're the first guy I accepted as my boyfriend, you're the first guy I went out with to the malls, the first that I caught a movie with, the first that I held hands with, the first I experienced how a kiss feels like. So many little and major things.
You're the first guy I ever celebrated my birthday with, the first guy who wouldn't mind spending money on me. The very first guy who stepped into my house and met my parents. You're the first one who sat on the Singapore flyers with me, the first who accompanied me for job interview, the first who would pick me up and send me home after work. The first guy that carried me, piggy back me. The first guy I shared a drink with, first that fed me with food. The first guy that sent me flowers. The first guy I baked a cake for.. The first guy that made me a bear stuffed with lots of love..
You're my first, and I wished you would be the last.
Although I'm not your first, but I am the first girlfriend you had that lasted till this long. I don't believe in the time we spent together, but the love we shared. Love couldn't be measured, so I don't mind. I really hope, of all your past girlfriends. I'm one that have the most memories with you. Yes, we don't have photos together, but just as you recall, your mind would be like our photo album containing happy and sad memories.
I hope I could be your last too.
I have nothing much to elaborate now, maybe tomorrow.
Sigh, Mummy asked if your busy schedule have affected our relationship. I lied and said no, because I didn't want her to worry about me. But the fact was, it really did affect our relationship. And the problem was not because of your busy schedule..
We are beginning to drift apart from each other, and my heart hurts alot. Why?
We used to have a lot to talk to. Now whenever we're in the bus or we're just on the streets walking, we just keep silent. I tried talking, but it felt as though we're world apart.
Why? I keep asking myself why. What happened throughout all these?
Today I really feel like stepping out of you again, I was so hurt it was so painful and torturous. But my heart, yes once again its my heart taking control. My heart resisted, I really love you wholeheartedly from the bottom of my heart.
Please imagine, from the start till now. My feelings for you gradually grew, you became a part of me that I wouldn't do without you. I really wonder why sometimes you put me in such a difficult spot when all I did was loving you, I've done nothing to hurt you. Why? Was it wrong to shower all the love I had on you? Now I forgot to love myself, to care for myself. I always put you in front of everything else that is important. That is why, this is happening to us now.
I really hope, this is just another ordeal. I wish I could hang on..I don't wish to give up on us.
Stop claiming the world you're living in is called 'your' own world. Its 'our' world, never ever its 'yours'. Ever since I gave up singlehood, the world we live in is called 'ours'. Its either us or ours. No you or me. Please. Stop giving me hurtful comments on how you regard our relationship as. I'm trying to put in all that I can, please..Don't force me to give up...
Come to think about it, you're the first guy I've ever loved so much. You're the first guy I accepted as my boyfriend, you're the first guy I went out with to the malls, the first that I caught a movie with, the first that I held hands with, the first I experienced how a kiss feels like. So many little and major things.
You're the first guy I ever celebrated my birthday with, the first guy who wouldn't mind spending money on me. The very first guy who stepped into my house and met my parents. You're the first one who sat on the Singapore flyers with me, the first who accompanied me for job interview, the first who would pick me up and send me home after work. The first guy that carried me, piggy back me. The first guy I shared a drink with, first that fed me with food. The first guy that sent me flowers. The first guy I baked a cake for.. The first guy that made me a bear stuffed with lots of love..
You're my first, and I wished you would be the last.
Although I'm not your first, but I am the first girlfriend you had that lasted till this long. I don't believe in the time we spent together, but the love we shared. Love couldn't be measured, so I don't mind. I really hope, of all your past girlfriends. I'm one that have the most memories with you. Yes, we don't have photos together, but just as you recall, your mind would be like our photo album containing happy and sad memories.
I hope I could be your last too.
posted by Jiaying at
11:13 PM
5 Comments:
Hey Jia, cheer up and strive to develop yourself ya :)
If education and zc are what you believe in, jia you and don't give up alright? It will pay off in the end.
Sometimes, you may ruminate and keep thinking if it's worth it as it can really sap your energy but so long as you keep trying, striving for what you believe in, you will not have regrets. I know that to keep trying may leave you exhausted, but if it's smth you believe in, to give it up may leave you feeling like it shouldn't have been this way, so I think it's important to not have regrets. Same as for your studies :)
Remember to take a little break here and there sometimes to recharge tho! Keep your mind off things, enjoy ur favorite music, keep yourself healthy.
ur cousin, jt.
Hey jiatian :D
Thanks for the advice, yes I'm trying my best to strive for what I'm believing in, my studies have been good so far. But for relationship wise, sometimes I just feel that the feeling me and zc had isn't right. But at another point, it just feels perfect. I'm in a dilemma sometimes, I don't wanna give up on something I've always believed in too. But somewhat, somewhere gotta be wrong and try turn things ugly. I'm tired of being so unhappy. And I'm angry at myself for always being unable to make decision. I'm tired, but still I don't wanna give up. I hope this would be the right choice, I don't wana have any regrets :D Thank you :)
yeah jia you! to support you to give up wont be good of me cos i know you have your very sweet moments too. and i understand it can be so hard to give up smth you believe in.
anw, anything so long as you're happy :) i believe it's all part of your process of maturing, different experiences that people go through will slowly shape your perspective and hopefully, it's all for the better. take a break sometimes to keep your mind off troubling things ya.
i'll be here always!
jt
and hey, good going for your studies! :D
yeah jia you! to support you to give up wont be good of me cos i know you have your very sweet moments too. and i understand it can be so hard to give up smth you believe in.
anw, anything so long as you're happy :) i believe it's all part of your process of maturing, different experiences that people go through will slowly shape your perspective and hopefully, it's all for the better. take a break sometimes to keep your mind off troubling things ya.
i'll be here always!
jt
and hey, good going for your studies! :D
Thanks!! (:
Maybe like you said, its a process of me maturing, it should be alright after awhile. Yeah, thanks.
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