Its tough.

November will end in another couple of hours...

I'm stucked up.

I want to remember

I hope this is just a temporary feeling. But, honestly, I'm starting to forget you and the past we once had. I don't like this feeling and I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Is my memory failing me?

PS: No, please don't misunderstand me. I did not know any new guys nor have I stepped into another relationship.

What's all these about?

Christmas is nearing, 2010 is ending..
What's becoming of us? Complete strangers? Friends?

Its painful.. 2010 is ending, 2011 will be a new start. Everything will start all over again, but why can't our love be the same as well? Can't we?
Can't we just forget this hurting part? I know you feel hurt too. Can't we get back together again? Just this time? Because I love you.

All alone

Move on.

But my heart doesn't want to.

I'm starting to find it difficult to remember the times we spent together. I'm starting to....finding reasons to give up.

I don't want to. But you're pushing me to the corner and I'm left with no choice.

What's the world without you

I miss those days you got so so so mad when I gave my number to some guys. I miss those days when you were jealous...

That very special day you came up my house for the first time and baked pizzas together and I introduced you to my family. My family liked you so much. I miss those days and I miss you so much.

I really want to get back to you again. I really want you to address me as your bebe again. I want to hold your hands. I want to be your girlfriend again.

Totally broken..

I wish to pick up these pieces all by myself. I don't need another guy. Because, I only want you.

Once upon a time

Yes, this was us. In early this year.

I'm not a superwoman, nor am I a wondergirl

I'm just an ordinary girl without any extraordinary powers. I need love, your love.

Right from the start, I'm thrown with hundreds and thousands of reasons on why should I give up on you and on this downright hopeless relationship..

Our broken relationship was beyond repair. You knew it, and you decided to give up fighting. I knew that too, but I did not give up. I wanted future for us. I fought for us. I stayed, and I waited. I waited for the right moment, I keep finding the right words to say to you.

Even till now.. I'm sad to say, half a year have past. Nothing have changed between us. You're still you. And, I am still myself. I'm still waiting and you're still not giving us another chance. We could make it, if you chose to. But we did not, simply because you refuse.
I'm done trying and waiting. I'm done losing sleep over you and cry at the thought of you. You're driving me insane. And the reason is because I love you. I really do.
And we're really not gonna make it. We've parted for half a year. How could we ever get back to where we once were? How can I make us happy again? How? I'm willing to do everything for you. And you know, I will.


I'm still waiting, and I'll wait.

Finding the right words to say to you

"I love you" and "Goodbye".

That's all, I'm waiting and perhaps I can't love you like how I did in the past anymore. I need to show you that I'm fine without you even deep inside I'm dying. I hope you won't chance upon this post(anyway, its very less likely for you to).
I just love you, and since you request for me to give up on you time and again. This time, I'm gonna give up. Yes, I'm gonna act as I've given up.


Deep down, I'm still waiting. I'm still the old me, waiting for you. :')
I believe in us, I really do.

The greatest distance on earth is not from north to south. It is when I am standing right in front of you and you do not know that I love you.

I saw you again, today.

How would it feel to have the person you love, telling you that he won't love you anymore?
It'll hurt, isn't it?

My heart is breaking into a zillion pieces for you, yet I do not mind the pain and all the insults I have to bear from you. I'm still holding onto you despite people calling me a fool. But they were right. What a fool am I.

I love you, and I can't hold on any longer. I'm giving up on you, its painful to know that you're not going to love me anymore. But, I'll stay strong because I love you.

I was wrong, I thought we may have a chance again after my O levels. But I'm totally wrong. O's are over, you're not doing anything to us. You're simply leaving me hurting. I misinterpreted your intentions. I looked too much into things, I was wrong. You're just showing concern to me as a friend, nothing else.

I can't handle the pain.

I miss us

14 november 2009.


Hmm, you promised to not leave me alone, you promised to not give up on this relationship. You promised to make me your wife.
Well, promises are meant to be broken..

Stale.

It's been proven again and again that you're willing to sacrifice me for your friends.
It shows how insignificant I am to you. While for me? You're my everything, I could drop everything in hands just to be with you or just to have a look at you. But you? I am just so disappointed in you. It brings so much hurt and tears, nothing else. Yet I'm still fighting for you..

Still fighting for this love.

Finally

O's are officially over and I can finally heave a big sign of relief! I love my life now, so much of freedom and carefree-ness(idk whether this word exist).
Yup, more or less contented with my life right now.

Should be entering in working life soon.

On a side note, today is Junior's 3rd birthday! Which marks this little sweetiepie's 3 years existence in this planet! He's happy and sang "Happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me.." during cake cutting just now!



And.... Like today's the 13th... Its me and him's 6 months of seperation. Its half a year already. I don't understand how did I manage to hang on so long even till now. I feel sad every now and then, mentioning his name everyday again and again. I don't know why.. I don't know why am I treating myself this way. I know there're better guys outside, much better than you. But I don't know why I'm just so stubborn and refuses to budge. I just wanna stay by your side, I don't even want to leave... I still love you, I really do.

Today's the 13th, tomorrow would be the 14th. If we ever managed to be together since the day we broke up, tomorrow we'd be celebrating our 21 months together. Its supposed to be this way, isn't it? I miss you, zhangchao.

Everything that pulls me back to you.

Hope, faith, trust, believing.

I would

give up everything, to be everything we're not.

If two past lovers can remain as friends, it's either they were never in love, or they still are.

He’s been a major part of your life, of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it out you’re relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just cause it was hurting you doesn’t mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes, you feel yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take awhile, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, cause it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s going to hurt.

Why?

As always, you always leave me when I fucking need you the most..

And for that, I should hate you.
But why? Why can't I hate you? You know, you're such a jerk.
But why do I still love you?

I really love you, trust me for this.

Break up, break down, break through

Gave myself sufficient time to get over you. You know what? Its been proven I'm still stucked right at where I am five months ago. Isn't it?

I doubt my ability to get over you, I tried. I mean I really did. I was outgoing, I tried going out with different types of people, guys.. I really tried and since that was what you wanted as well.

I'm sorry I let you down once again. I just can't un-love you. I can't.


It's November already.. As I always say, time is ticking away, never will it stop for us. I'm fearful. I'm tired. I'm scared. I miss you and I love you. I really do.