I am not fine, at all

I told myself before to love myself more than anyone else, including you.
But now what again? I failed to do so, talk is so fucking cheap.

This is to you, I know you will read this.

After all, this relationship had been a very memorable one, I cherish time spent with you. But you don't. To you, maybe its a chore. In the past, you always said you love going out with me.. But now what? You changed, or maybe you did not. You just changed the way you should treat me as your girlfriend.
You totally forgotten or maybe you never remembered that I am your girlfriend.
I told you before too. Games, Friends, Me. I'm placed at the last.

I don't fucking understand why should I be treated this way, no one have treated me like this before, and never will they. But you? Shocking, you're the first.
I love you so deeply, I prioritise you in front of all the important things in my life. While you never will. You never will remember about me when you're outside. I'm always placed last. Last in your heart.

You took advantage of my love, you knew no matter how bad you treat me or how you neglect me, I'll still be right behind here for you. You took advantage of this point, you forgot I'm a human too, I have feelings. You forgot about me. You forgot about our love.

Its a bumpy ride throughout, from the message I sent to you this morning should have clearly shown that I did not want to give up on this relationship.
But now, I find it tough. Its me, fighting against you. How can we ever make it? I ask myself again.
Why am I always so fucking happy overlooking all the mistakes you've done, but behind all these I'm another one crying in the bathroom with running water hoping it could drown the weeping sound of mine? Baby you've forgotten that I'm the one who could love you so deeply. I can sacrifice everything for you, I'm willing to give everything up for you. But. You never know.
You think I'm strong all the while?

You never will understand how a guy you loved so deeply took advantage of your love.
You never understand how much effort I put in this relationship.
You never will understand how tough it is to fight against the one you love so deeply. Because you are not me. You fuckingly forgotten it all. This is a wake up call to you, I hope all these will come to an end.

I hope one day, we could change our identities and so you would know how badly I would have felt.
In the past, you never allow me to cry. I only laugh, no tears. But now?

When I love someone, I'm willing to spend my time and all my heart with him, I devote myself fully to him. But when he breaks my heart, I breakdown crying. Seeing him in nowhere..
Because, Baby you weren' t there for me when I needed you so badly.