My emotions are fickled

Sometimes I think a human heart is just a simple shelf. There's only so much you can pile onto it before something falls off an edge and you are left to pick up the pieces.
And whats on my shelf are love, friendships, families, studies and many other trivial matters. These trivial things just adds up to a huge weight and make my heart sink deeper.

There's so much I could do, so much I could ever take. I don't know how do I look like infront of you guys. Do I look strong? Or weak? Or I'm just average?
I don't know and I wouldn't want to know.
Being strong is good, but I'm a girl I'd like to be weak at times too.
Weak? I'm just another emo kid sitting at the corridoor and cry. I hate that.
As for average, I wouldn't want to be that either.

What people always tell me is to move on, stop mentioning about him. But how could I? Have I not tried harder? Have I not tried to live without him? Have I?

I asked myself so many times.

And I'm so scared. Nothing else but feeling scared. I'm so afraid of this emptiness and silence.
Could you please say something, anything would do. Could you just kill me or whatever. Bring me to somewhere where I don't feel this thing called 'pain' anymore.
As I injure myself, I laugh. My injuries don't hurt as much as my heart do. Its that funny, no weapons, no guns or knives. Just words. And words do not have the power to hurt me, its him - the one who means a lot to me.
How much is a lot? I don't know, but its definately more and beyond all I could ever have and saw..

Its funny, so funny. A break up and fell out of love are 2 different things. But it all comes with the same thing - love.

I just had a cold bath, crying to myself while typing all these out. How am I going to go school tomorrow? I hate putting on an act. I hate to lie. I hate feeling this way.