Perplexed

I'm turning 16 next month, I wonder why must I go through so much in life when now I'm barely sixteen. Why?
Why must everything around me feels so surreal. Whats like to be real? Ask yourself that question too.
It's so crappy to know that everything and all your effort went down the drain just because of one person's word. Its how disgusted to feel being kept in the dark for so many days. Its fucking guilty for me to hate someone whom I've always respect.

It will be very unbecoming of me to list out everything I've gone through. Its so tough, so painful. Just one thing - I'm not being myself these few days.
So many issues and blows I've to deal with this month. I fucking hate May. I swear upon my words.

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And..
My dear boy, I know you'll read this.
Why are you always so mindful of what people say? Ditch their words, follow your mind. I told you, I'm at the falling edge of the cliff, you either pull me up and let me live with you or push me down and watch me die to end all my pain while hanging on the cliff. I believe everybody deserves a second chance, that's why I'm giving you another chance. You said you'll take it. But on the other hand, you'll not. You don't want to hurt me again. I'm afraid of getting hurt too, but why am I seeking my own death by giving you another chance?
I'm afraid of getting hurt, really.. Who doesn't?
But being in a relationship with you and bearing fruits was what I've always believed. Since I'm not afraid and I believe in us, why not take another step out? Why?


People must be thinking why am I so silly for letting him have another chance to hurt me, but, when you're in my shoes; then you'll understand. And you really will.