Last post for 2010

THis will be my last post for 2010.

Year 2010 haven't been a smooth year for me. Along these time, I've lost many things, unwillingly.


There were many ups and downs faced this year. Losing the one I love most and knowing he isn't fighting to keep me...
This is probably the gazillion trillion zillion time I said. But I'm still gonna say it. I give up on this man, seriously.
True enough, this period of time I thought, I thought really hard. I've seen things that I couldn't believe. But its true.

Living together happily ever after? He love me and I love him? Bearing him kids?
Reality slapped me hard in the face.

This 7months wouldn't be futile as I finally woke up from my silly fantasies.

Goodbye 2010, goodbye the lover.

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.



This could relate very much to us. You lost me.

My new year resolutions

1) Hit gym on every consecutive days.
2) Respect Dad & Mom.
3) Spend quality time with family.
4) Earn more money
5) Get some label bags for myself


Yes, so the list shall remain this short for the time being. As the shorter it is, the easier it'll be to achieve. :)

Since work at Tangs have ended, I'm currently enjoying every single seconds of my life spent single.
But happy moments don't last, I'm been splurging money like crazy and I've literally run out of cash.
I've got my new baby a red Longchamp bag, my second branded label handbag already.
Pampered myself with a classic manicure and pedicure few days back.

Been learning to love myself more and more. And I think that's something worth to be happy about.

Till then, happy new year :)

In 2011.

I'll be stronger.

I hope one day

you'll look back, think of me and then say....

"I should've stayed with her."

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO INCORRIGIBLY SELFISH. THINGS HAVE CHANGED. WAKE UP PLEASE.



Its breaks my heart to see you this way.

Dream

Its been so long and finally, I've gotten over you.

I got to know a new boy. We've just got together and its been quite some time since I felt happiness this way.

That day, we went out and on the way home I saw the ex boyfriend. I walked up the bus with my new boy's hands wrapped around my waist. I saw him sitting alone at the back of the seat. He was alone, he looked lonely. I so wanna walk up to him and lie on his shoulders like how I always did in the past.
But this time, it was different. I was with my new boy. And I can't do this to him. I walked to the middle seat to settle myself. I didn't tell my boy about anything. I pretended like I did not see the ex boyfriend at all. We alighted the bus..
The ex boyfriend remain seated at the back seat. I don't know if he did notice me with my new boy.
But if he did, that's good. Since moving on was always what he wanted for me.



That was what I dreamt about last night. It wasn't a sweet dream to have a new boyfriend. But rather a nightmare. I woke up and found myself in tears. I told everyone I've given up on you. But look, now what? I can't. I still can't..


PS: It's just a dream, not for real.

Merry Christmas

It's a lively festival and its been merry with the lovely lightings and the crowd of people that welcomes Christmas.

As for me..... I'm regretful for spending my Christmas eve this way. Walking aimlessly in town... Avoiding..... and staring at lovely dovey couples. The atmosphere in Town is very intense and lively. It just brings up all the Christmas mood for everyone there. However, it did not work on me.
I was lonely. I wasn't alone. I was with thousands and thousands of people. And reason for being lonely remains unknown(but most could probably figure out why).

I'm not trying to be an emo fuck to spend this Christmas this way. But it isn't up to me as well.
For the past few days, I tried my best to stay as cheerful as I could. I was anticipating this day... But guess it just didn't work out. I...I am so disappointed with myself.

Contradictions.

In a relationship, there'll always be one party being loved less by the other. And when the one loving less decides to love more, the party who've been loving the other more will have already decide to leave..

So........



In our relationship, who've been loved more and who've been loved less?





Keep the answers in your heart. As what you see may not be how it is. Like an unsolved riddle.

I thought so.

You left me awake, staying up at this hour. Being unable to get to sleep just at the thought of you.

I've been thinking.


Thinking about what've happened during this 7months, including the time we're together as a couple. Think about it, I'm silly.

I thought my love for you could stand strong despite all the barriers I am away from you. I thought of everything that was impossible yet I made it possible.

Now, I've come to a point, realizing there's absolute no reason in staying here any longer.

Love was supposed to be selfless, not selfish.
I'm being selfish now. Is this love? I can't tolerate all the definitions of love that tell us of how love should be/should not be. My mind is in a whirl.
I'm breaking down and giving up.



I'm going away, and won't be back anymore.

Because

I love you. And that's my final say.

To wait

or to move on and start a new beginning.

You know, I can't bear to do so.

Sneak peek

Will fill up everything by tmrw, if possible :)

If only

we made it till today.
Happy 22nd months and I love you very much.

All that was written on the xmas card was crap 'i love you as a friend.'
Sorry, I was lying through my teeth also. I can't love you as a friend.

Hello! How's everyone today? I hate today :( Not because its a 13th or what but because its a rainy and wet day which totally ruined my plans! Initially, I planned to deliver the shirt to that boy. However, once I alight the bus, it started pouring(fml right). Then I didn't want to wet myself neither do I want my make up to dissolve in the rain. So I ditched the idea of delivering the shirt to him, I took the shirt with me to Town!

But Town's disappointing as well. Walked around the whole FEP lika idiot, alone, yet I found nothing(yes i love shopping alone, it makes me feel less stress).
Walked over to Tangs to find the girls and headed to Somerset(my favourite shopping spot!!!) F21, NEWLOOK, HULA&CO!!!!!!!!!!

Walked for 2 whole hours and only got myself a head accessories(which wenhui the angel said it looks nice but aly the bitch said its not). LOLOLOLOLLLLLL.

Headed back to Tangs and waited for them to knock off before heading to Kallang! Hehe had Nihon Mura for dinner and that's how my day ended.

Signing off with my tongue piercing! LOL and it spells doom because I'm working tomorrow! :(

MIxed feeling

Guys lie, they crap and bullshit all night long. They lie to get in your heart, they lie to have fun, they lie to make you hurt. They all lie through their god damn teeth.

Liars liars liars. Guys are nothing but liars, a very good one in fact.

Perhaps the past me was just too pure and innocent. I didn't know you'd lie as well. But after all these time, I've learnt, I've seen through many things. I've a clearer picture of everything.
I was naive. But I won't let history repeat itself again.

My life revolves around work now. Its almost working everyday and I'm kinda sick of it. So today's my off day and I took the opportunity to head town for shopping at fep! Indeed it's my favourite shopping spot, managed to get a bag before heading off to Tangs. Hehehe.

Dropped the idea of getting another 'fcuk' shirt for that boy as I guess it's gonna be redundant.
Walked around, shopped around and wanted to have some curled extensions on my head but realised it's oh-so-old-fashion, so once again dropped the silly idea. Heheh.

Trained to Downtown and bickered with sis on the way there on deciding where to dine! I was fuming mad and was on the verge of crying. In the end... I still gave in to her. See what a wonderful younger sister I am.




Headed home aftermath. And tata! This is the nerd/bare/plain me.

Nevertheless, it's a 13th tomorrow and I can't help to think about you, about us.

I love you but this marks our seperation for 7months...and i'll still be waiting.

I never want to love another.

While walking I heard an old lady say, "I've been in love with the same man for almost 50 years." I was touched but then she said "I wish he knew."

Few months back..

pardon that tummy

THIS WAS ME

Yet now, I gained so much weight and its time to be hardworking and shed off some kilos. Oh.. I'll work for it, just watch me :)

It was an offday for me. So I went out to Town(yes, again) to meet some of my ladies..

All pictures taken using my bb as my camera have gone on a vacation. I apologise for the low quiality of pictures anyway :)

So well.
Enough of emo posts in this blog. I want to jot down my everyday life to so that when I read back the past archives, I'll still remember hur! :)

Yup, O's have ended and I've gotten myself many event jobs! I forsake the position as a 'sales assistant' at Far East Plaza as the pay wasn't up to my expectation. Hence, I only worked 1 day for that and left hehehehe. :) But its good, as I'm working in a guys apparels shop, I get to see many eyecandy every couple of minutes and serve them as well ^^ Hehehehe.

Ok, back to events job! Yes I'm taking up the second event job currently. And the first one was a showgirl in Sitex and the pay was like very very generous. However for that, I only worked for a couple of days. :(

Currently I'm working as a gift wrapper in Town and its quite boring as Christmas' is still a few weeks away. After this 3 week, it's time to enjoy myself a little before I get another full-time job. As what my friend said, event jobs are quite inconsistent. Certain times you'll be damn rich and sometimes you'll be bankrupt. Lol.

Yup thats all about it. Should be meeting my eyecandy tomorrow night. Oh, I mean tonight(since now is already tuesday heheheh).
Wish me luck and byebye. Will update this space with pictures and more lively posts!

And please pardon sad/emo posts as I'll still post them every now and then as I'm still insecure.

Happy

I think, today should be the happiest day I ever had ever since May(the break up season).
Being able to see you for a moment was enough. I hope I'm not thinking too much, I don't wanna pin on false hopes and fall badly after that.
However, today's a day to remember. Oh no, I mean yesterday night. 5December :)

Contented. Very.
And I'm looking forward to more of such.
I love you, still.

I would like to start over, please

I..I.. have so much to say. Everything. How much you meant to me and how fucking bad I wished for things to not turn out this way. I fucking hate the fact that we're apart. Its not the distance between our two bodies. Its the distance of our heart, and I'm hurting so much that I feel like I'm suffocated.

I feel like...dying. Because its too painful.

Because right now,

all I have are memories which hurt to remember. It's a painful uphill journey, going through each day without you and knowing you do not care. There are moments which I think that it's gonna be a different day, when things may just finally fall into place but those are just moments that fade away rapidly, in a measure of a heartbeat.

December.

I don't know how want to move on.

Its December already. Nothing have changed between us. Those cryings, wishing, hoping, begging are of zero use.
Up till now, seven months have past and I'm still convinced that it was entirely my fucking fault for not giving you enough reasons to stay..
I lost it, I lost you, baby.

Many people have been questioning me, "really no more chance for you two?"


She was right, the longer it drags, the tougher it'll be for us to patch things up. I'm almost used to life without you.. But I miss you.