Guilty

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My day was spent simple when I actually had some plans on going Town. Sigh.
And I fuckingly ditched my friends because of Baby. Yeah, although he didn't want to go but he asked me to go but I refused I chose to stay back with him. I know I'm selfish. Then I waited for hours at his house in front of his laptop till he woke up. Went out for food and Baby sent me home.

Anyway speaking about school, today was the start of SA1 for East Viewains. When I stepped in school, I saw many, I mean really a lot of students regardless of which secondary levels. They're holding notes and crazily studying.
Yeah, our papers were held in the school hall. And I'm placed right at the back.
I wrote Argumentative Essay for English. I'm afraid I may write out of point ):
Chinese too, I finished both essays within an hour. Miracle.
So I spent another hour looking at some random things. Eg. People from the ALSCO company clearing the sanitary bins. I think that should be the worst job one should ever have. Eeeeek.

Sorry, I don't even deserve myself for being who I am. I felt I've let my friends down terribly. I don't know how to handle such matters...

No matter what

I'm running out of words..

First paper tomorrow.. I hope I can score less than 26points in order to opt for DPA (Direct Poly Admission)
In fact I already know which course to go to, my first choice would be Early Childhood Education. I would love studying Physchology too, but it'll be included in Early Childhood Education as well.
Must less than 15points. I will make it eventually!
Woot, I can't wait for this year to be over so i can be a Polytechnic student like Baby :D

We'll make the best out of it

Mommy just passed me a stack of fifty dollar bill.
I mean, literally a stack of it. Yeah, but there's so much things I've to pay for.
O level papers, tuition fees, hand phone bill and my monthly allowance. Just wondering how long can I sustain with this sum of money if I keep having feasts in school.

Oh well, money = world. There's so much things I wanna get, but not now. Sigh.
Met Baby today. I was waiting for his message the whole day hoping he would ask me to meet him, I understood that yesterday he said he missed me, but he did not say he wanna see me. So yeah, I've got my pride too. I waited for him to ask me personally..
He's great, to me in some ways. Although there are times when he breaks my heart unintentionally. But well, I can't expect much now.
I just hope this relationship would last as long as we could.
I don't care how people think of us being together as a couple, I just want us to be happy together like we always were. You know, we're always happy. I'm always laughing and he'll be there squeezing the fats in my cheek and laughing with me at the same time..
I'm happy when I'm with him around, but when we're both apart I start feeling lonely and emotional.

I love you, enough said..

Ching ching $$

I am broke. I thought today I was going to receive my allowance for the month. And then I see the date again, its only the 27th. 1 more day I gotta hang on!

I screwed my oral exam today, which was so expected.

What was unexpected is that my baby boy said he missed me :O
Good news or bad news? I think he'll feel so terrible missing my cute little face, shall meet him tomorrow to ease his pain. HAHAHAH. I know I sound very bhb. Whatever.
I'm happy and hyper now after talking to a virus that actually replied after what I said.
I know this is dumb, but this is the only way to keep me entertained.

I seriously am so LAZY. I have no intention of sketching my DnT drawings or doing the ten year series that are stacked up so high on the book shelves.
I admit I am lazy. I don't feel the urgency of that SA1 is just 3 days away and I could use the results for Direct Poly Admission(if my results are 26<)


Eh. Seriously, I feel like strangling myself!! I did nothing during the afternoon. All I did was eat, watch tv, shit, play game, watch tv, bathe and eat again! You see how lazy am I today?!?!??! Ohfuck. I have wasted so much of my time... HOW?!?!??!


....Yet I don't feel a sense of urgency. Why is this happening to me?!?!?!?
WHERE ARE MY DETERMINATION AND MOTIVATION?!??!?

Gem

Baby, you're unaware of how I feel.
Sometimes, I understand. I understand where I stand in your heart.
I understand how insignificant I am to you. Your actions, words have shown clearly.
I told you before, don't treat me like as if I'm losing my values. I'm a girl, I have my values I am worth more of your love and more of the way you treat me.
I'm tired of harbouring hopes. You promised me something, you told me before right in my face.
Yet now, I'm observing, feeling. Your promises have became nothing but a pack of lies. A beautiful lie.
I am torturing myself emotionally.

I told you before. What hurts the most was not about how you treat me now. It was thinking about how good you used to treat me in the past.
But why? Before we even got together, I knew my heart would be safe with you. But why now you're proving me so wrong? Why? I never had a chance to ask you this question. Why is that so Baby? Would you be happy only after my heart is left broken?

Your voodoo doll

I'm having a bad day in school today and I didn't like it a lot. Was it Monday blues?
Firstly, it was my hair colour again. I'm tired of being caught by my hair colour, I've been dying my hair back to the appropriate colour countless of times and my hair is getting damaged, really.
Why do teachers always fuckingly accuse us students of dyeing our hair to other colours, when the truth was the colour of the dye was fading? Seriously, if the colour keeps going on fading like this every few months, does it mean that I'll have to keep dyeing and dyeing till I step out of this school? Okay, I don't need an answer since I've already dyed it back to the colour the school wanted. Ok shutup.

Secondly, today during math lesson, Mr Yip was supposed to check if we did complete the paper on Canberra. Well, I happily took out my piece of work and laid it on the table.
However, it was the wrong paper, and I was told to stand for the rest of the lesson.
Like hello? I did the wrong paper, and I don't even have the Canberra paper with me. What's worst was Mr Yip said I used the other piece of work of mine as a smokescreen to the Canberra paper thinking that I could get away with it.
I asked for the Canberra paper from him to photocopy for myself and thus I spent half of my recess zapping the paper.
I was definitely pissed.

I'm tired of getting picked on by teachers.
I'm tired of being left with nothing. What do I have or who do I have with me when I'm sad? My boyfriend isn't always there with me, he claims he needs space of his own. Sometimes, I really have no where to turn to, much less a person to talk to. Thankfully, this site would be always here for me to pour out my feelings.
I'll pray for tomorrow would be a happy day.

Sorweee

Made my sis's computer spoilt. She's indirectly scolding me now.

Ohwell, I'm utterly sorry.

I'll swim the ocean for you

I developed a fever yesterday in school. Felt like hell and my body was aching all over, especially my back ): Had a History test despite my fever, felt like dying but I still managed to finish up the paper. Cabbed to Baby's crib and he did not take good care of me ): What a lousy nurse!!

But now I've recovered feeling very energetic!!! Yesterday was the very very first time me & Baby had Subway together. Although I am suffering from my Subway craze since months back, but I never had a chance to get Baby to dine at Subway with me. But yesterday was different, knowing that I'm sick he had no choice but to have Subway with me :D
And he bought me sweets when my breath stinks(sick people have bad breath)


Yesterday was wonderful, Baby even came up to my house. It was a month and a few days since he last step into my house. My family misses him crazily! Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. My family misses him.

I miss my tongue piercing though :\

Tissue Papers

'Today, in school was bad enough.
But you made it worse.' (written in the moment of anger)

OK, I shall correct my sentence.
I'll forgive and still be loving you even if you are too tired to do the things I want to do.

Alright, I was hoping for a long post today. I really love typing and expressing how I feel in my blog, it just feels so free and great.

School was bad, served 2hours detention and headed home..
Suffering from severe muscle aches. Anyway I went to the Gym on Tues with my sister, I was impressed with my stamina. I actually ran 2.4km in one shot, no breaks in between. And continued meddling with other equipments. Left Gym after 2 long hours, feeling refreshed in the mind (:

Weather was bad >: Having an awful flu. Past few days my nose was running like a water tap. Now its a choked sink. Meaning my nose was blocked ):
You know how bad it feels and how unglamorous it looked like to insert an inhaler in one of my nostrils in school.
Anyway something cheered me up was that, my English improved from a C to B ^^
Pretty happy about it, but I hope I could do better for Mid Year Examinations which commence in another 8days!

OK, I'm going to revise now and ditch my feeling about how Baby treated me just now!

Simplicity

Grrr. Its 10.41pm now. My second meal of the day, I skipped lunch as I was too busy.
Finally I have the time to sit down and enjoy my meal in front of my beloved computer :D

Ended school late today, everything was a mess. Damn. Had tuition and I'm damn tired now..

My phone bill came for this month, it cost a bomb. Well, it was because of the damn GPRS that caused the 3 digit number in my bill slip. Now I have to bear the full consequence of this amount. Damn you GPRS, always auto-on when I'm asleep. Damn. Well, I will bear the full consequence to stop tongues wagging.

OK. Let's not talk about this, I met up with my BABY today! Its been like 5days since I last met him?? Heehee, he was tired after a long day in school so I helped him massage :D
And I was hungry while massaging him ): So he said if I massaged well, he'll give me 1 dumpling. But if I massage badly, he'll only give me half a dumpling ):

In the end, guess who many dumplings I got?

Hehe, he gave me 2, but I only ate 1.

Simple and happy day, I love the way we are now (:

POPPPP

OK FINALLY.
FINALLY I AM BACK HERE.
I CAN FINALLY POUR OUT MY WORDS HERE AND FLOOD IT.
I AM SO ANGRY THAT I CAN BURST OUT INTO TEARS. DAMN.
Alright, if you're wondering.. The problem is ,y computer was so lag, damn lag. Wtf is wrong with the internet connection today? I surf net using my phone also like that. DAMN.

Anyway my computer was re-formatted. Everything is gone and I had to download my MSN, have been trying to find the link to download it.
I asked Baby just now if he knows how to.
Here's our conversation. (I used the older version of MSN fyi)

Me: You know the link to download msn?
*He replies 5 minutes later*

Baby: noob.
Me: Lol, I really don't know the link.
Baby: www.youareanoob.com

DUMBASS.

Alright, but about an hour ago I found the link and had it downloaded into my computer(happily) ^^
But my Daddy accidentally deleted it ._. So I went to download again and I am obviously very pissed!

Ocean size love

*Bad news alert* Mommy have sent my PC for repair even without my consent >:
But well, its alright as I've learnt that good things don't stay by my side all times.
The bottomline is that I've learnt that memories don't go, as it'll always be deeply etched in my heart.


Speaking about Baby, he had a tough day in school ): My heart would ache whenever I see him like that ): Sigh.
I find myself rather selfish, when I got the news that Baby went into a different school as his friends I was so happy. I know I was selfish and I feel guilty about it now. How?
I just hope things would be better for him.
We hardly have time to meet now. His schools end an hour later than what I wrote in the previous post. Although we'll meet lesser now and we've been texting so much lesser(<10 msg a day) but I believe our love would still be standing strong. I love you darling.


Baby like I said before, when your world comes tumbling down. Always remember that there'll be someone who will always be there for you and love you unconditionally. (:

Its "Us"

Hello world :D
I went for a haircut & hair treatment in the late afternoon. I would like to thank my sister lor, she waited sooooooooo long for me. And this is the second time alrd!

And I've been contemplating on whether should I get a new PC for myself as my PC is spoilt for 3 days already. Sigh
Its memories of Baby and me.. The past chat logs are all well kept and now that's the only thing that are holding me back. I just can't bear to let go..
Imagine if its you what would you do? The past chat logs consists of the memories of previous years spent together. From strangers to friends and to lovers. Poof, now its all gone.
Hope it'll recover someday or maybe just a day. So I would be able to save the chat logs in a thumbdrive or so.. Yeah, that's the only solution!


Baby school starts tomorrow and he feel very reluctant to attend school tomorrow and me being his very good gf have been encouraging him to go.
GO BABY GO, its tough at the beginning but I know as time pass it'll be going smoothly.
Enjoy your school tomorrow!

And I'm going to suffer lor, school ends early tomorrow with no extra lessons >:
I hate myself being so free. Its feels so unproductive, but I'll still find a way out to keep me busy!

T-shirt

Well, everyone in my household have just fallen asleep.
Its pitch dark, leaving only a lamp on for me.
Its the 18th today, one of my favourite girl's birthday. But I guess I should change the sentence? Anyway, happy birthday to you. I guess my presence to you ain't important anymore, just enjoy your day and spend it to the fullest! :D


Okay, I need a shopping spree again. I need to splurge Baby's money like water since his pocket money is too much!! Freak, his school starts this upcoming Monday.
Monday: 8 to 4
Tuesday-Thursday: 8 to 3
Friday: 8 to 12

In addition to the journey from Clementi to Tampines. I guess we'll have so little time left for us ):

Your bebe.

I'll remember how patiently you folded 139 straw hearts for me. As I never expect a guy to do that. And how willing you are to spend your money on my 15th birthday. Although now, my Bebe wallet is torned and ugly but I'll still remember the look on your face when you passed me the wallet. You were shy, smiling. I'll remember the first time I sent you a message that said "Luv you!" and you replied cheekily, "Love you too". Back then, we weren't a couple yet..
You're patient, meticulous in everything that you do. You give me a sense of responsibility. Yet now, you just abandon me leaving me without a message from you. But, I'll still be loving you.

You broke my heart. But I will still forgive you.

Today had a double date with sis and Ethan! Plus a little one, our JUNIOR!
Everything hitted off smooth and great. Had Swensens for lunch, 53bucks a meal for 4(we ordered alot of food).But our ATM paid for us and headed to Sentosa. Played around, was quite fun! And Baby bought a ball that is only worth $1 in the market while it costs 6bucks in Sentosa!! God, daylight robbery. (pictures with sis)

Until things between me & Baby went wayward again. It was too much, I had so much hope in you but you failed me time & again. I ask myself why are you allowing yourself to hurt me this way. Why?
This is the very first time I walked out on you. I walked as fast as I could because I don't want you to catch hold of me. I asked you to go away as I didn't want to see your face.
I told myself to hate this man standing in front of me asking for forgiveness.
My heart had toughened.


But, because I love him. I forgave him, because I want him to be in my life. I chose not to give up again when giving up was barely a line away..
Baby, remember what you said today. For I will remember it my whole life.

Lastly, I'm sorry for hurling all those nasty and hurtful things that left you speechless. I'm sorry. But when you felt the pain, you feel me. I've been feeling so hurt, you just don't know. Why are you so scared when I cry in front of you? I've been crying like these, everyday since our quarrels started. And do you know?
I wrote something for you, but I'm unable to pluck up my courage to hand you the letter. Because I know it'll hurt you after you read it. And I can't bear to do so..

Happy 14months on the 14th.

Today is 14th April. Notice the date?

Our little conversation.......

Baby: ''Trim your eyebrows and shave your moustache''(I dont shave, I do wax)
Me: ''If I do so, will you love me more?"
Baby: "No, I won't."
Me: "Why?"
Silence.
Baby: "Because I'm already loving you."


......THAT MADE MY DAY AWESOME!
I told you, I'm easily contented. I don't need a whole fairytale deal, I just want to be happy.
Thankyou people, (:

The saltwater room

"So what if that jerk left you. Let go of the relationship or anything you lost, because God will restore. Double, greater, and 7 times better" -Pastor


I guess this is my limit. I've taken in so much more than I could ever take in, Baby I'm telling you now I'm tired. I told you many times - I'm a human, I have a heart like anyone else too. I don't see anything special about me which I could do whereby you can't. Tell me why this is happening to us, I've been begging for an answer from you. Your soft spoken 'I don't know' didn't help to ease the pain I'm feeling. It hurts to love someone wholeheartedly and unconditionally.
Why am I always stucked in such situations. God, please lead me the way out.

Today I was shocked, I shouldn't have met you at the first place. I shouldn't have been so thick-skinned to find you. Oh fuck. Congratulations, you succeeded in making me feel so hurt and unwanted. My hopes are all dashed. Its been my dream to study hard & get into NP to be in the same school as you. I'm so happy, telling family and friends around me that next time I would be able to get into the same school as you and we would be going to school together. I was so confident that I can get in that school. But never, never did I expect, you to ask me not to go to the same school as you. How could you? Am I dreaming? In the past you wished I could go in to the same school as you. But now? I always thought, never mind, its okay if I lost my best friend. As long as I've you, its fine.
You're ultimate, you're my friend and boyfriend. All I need was you - only half correct. Because I need you, but you don't need me. If I really don't care about this relationship, I would have long gave up. Rather than suffering all alone now. I should have given up, long ago to end the pain. But I did not, I believe that I'll have a future with you. I trusted that you're the man for me. You're the missing piece of jigsaw to complete my puzzle. But wait, am I thinking too far ahead? Am I?

Please Baby, don't fail me. Tomorrow is our 14months already. I remember a year ago we were happily counting down to our 2nd month's, excitedly.. This time its different. I can't lie to myself every time.
I guess some that reads my blog would be wondering why am I so sad everyday. But well, at least they cared. Unlike you, Baby. You barely read this site of mine, you don't know me. You ignore my feelings.

Meet me halfway

This year had been a very tough year for both you & me.
Dating back to 14Th Feb. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion for both of us. Its a special date, a very memorable one instead. But we ended up quarrelling.
And a month ago, your 19Th birthday. We're unable to celebrate it together. I know this sounds silly, but from then I know its gonna be a bumpy ride ahead.
Up till now, too much of quarrelling and conflicts between us unsolved. Always having quarrels, always. Never a day without it.

Now I stop and wonder. Does the problem lies with me? Or us?
I've been trying so hard and putting in so much effort but things just never seemed to change.
I tried so much I cried so much. Till now, I get breathless at times. Its like running a marathon I can never reach the finishing line no matter how long or how fast I'd run.
I've been running like this, weeks and months.
Now I don't hope to see a finishing line anymore. I just hope that I'd be able to see you somewhere next to me supporting me as I run this race.


Baby, I know you're all alone here. You feel lonely and helpess at times. But, when all else fails and your world comes tumbling down, always remember you still have someone that will always be there for you and loves you unconditionally.

Work was a breeze ^^ Feeling a little rich now because my boss pays me generously.
Heh, ended work and was feeling a little bored. Suggested for a swim in the evening with sister, but she turned me down cruelly. Leaving me to rot ):
Had dinner with my boy just now as whole family was out. Ate a lot. Its really a lot, saw my sis later and she was shocked with our appetite :o
Headed home with her together as her boyfriend had to work and my Baby forsake me ):

Doing dnt Folio now, and studying tomorrow(hope it works)
Having many tests next week. And my schedule is extremely packed x10000. I'm going crazy soon.

Deprived of sleep ):

Ohwell, was supposed to bring Junior out today. But damn, Baby fell sick, in addition to that he also had not slept for the last 24 hour. So we decided to not bring Junior out and just had a simple outing with just the 2 of us. As what he promised last week, wherever I wanna go, he'll just follow. So I decided to drop by at Ikea to have some Swedish meatballs. Yumz! But Baby did not finish his food so I helped him :D I ate alot today!!! 10pieces of meatballs, 2 chicken wings, some of Baby's fish and Daim cake. Yes, this was my heavy lunch.
Went to find sis at her workplace and passed her some food!

Then Baby went home as he was too tired and weak to even send me home. Headed home alone. Fell asleep in the bus! Almost missed my stop, luckily Kakak called my phone. DANG.

Bb. Working tomorrow with sis!

Busy bee

Well, the title have shown how my day have been.
I don't know how many places I've went today, and how many km my feets have walked.
Its so tiring. And I kept starving myself(not for diet purposes), because I just don't have the time to have a proper meal! I think when I have more time for myself, I should go jogging to shed some excess fats on my body. I love jogging!


Message status from Baby: 0
But loving him, still.

Today was a fairytale

Yes! As quoted from XX, affirmations do work! It work like wonders to me n_n

Hectic life for me both in school and out of school.

But well, at least happiness is back to me again. Thanks for people who showed concern to me, but our relationship is going on fine now. And I'll try to STOP picking up a fight anymore. I promise.

So well, I love today although time spent with my boy wasn't very long. But I had enough. Just enough to make me satisfied (:

Hey, I miss her.

Yes. I do miss my best friend. But are we best friends now? Anyway if you happen to read this, I just wanna tell you that 3 years spent with you was wonderful and full of colours. You're always there when I needed you.

Many people around me have told me not to give up on this friendship, and it did crossed my mind too. But, its better to leave it alone than trying to piece it back again right? I don't want either of us to feel awkward or hurt.

Thus, you need to move on with your life, carry on making new friends don't stop till you found one that is 10x better than me. And so will I.

When you miss me, just think about the jokes and funny faces I used to do. And so will I.

All e best to you and me.

I feel so alone

Last night, I sent many messages to you. You did not reply I got worried sick. I called you, but the line just couldn't get through. I slept at 12am woke up at 5am just to go your house to look for you. I wanted to take a bus but there weren't any bus to your house at that timing. I took a cab, it was expensive as there were midnight charges. I reached your house, but you weren't home. I was in your room, it was dark and empty without you. I left a note for you, you know how badly I cried when I wrote that note to you?
I left and sat at your block void deck from 5.30am till 7am. I took notice of every cab that passed by.
At 7am, when I decided to leave for school and walked towards the bus stop I saw another cab turning in and I can't help but just check if it was you. I could not catch up, so I went up your house to check again. Knowing you weren't back yet. I didn't know how many rounds I went up and down your house. I gave up, I went to school and was late.
During English period I called you, finally the line got through. I was so happy, and felt relieved at that time. It was really good to hear your voice once again.
Although I was sad for the whole night last night. But just a 10-second call with you could make me feel so much better.

You should know better than anyone else, if one day you were to leave me. I wouldn't be able to take the blow. I wouldn't.

I am not fine, at all

I told myself before to love myself more than anyone else, including you.
But now what again? I failed to do so, talk is so fucking cheap.

This is to you, I know you will read this.

After all, this relationship had been a very memorable one, I cherish time spent with you. But you don't. To you, maybe its a chore. In the past, you always said you love going out with me.. But now what? You changed, or maybe you did not. You just changed the way you should treat me as your girlfriend.
You totally forgotten or maybe you never remembered that I am your girlfriend.
I told you before too. Games, Friends, Me. I'm placed at the last.

I don't fucking understand why should I be treated this way, no one have treated me like this before, and never will they. But you? Shocking, you're the first.
I love you so deeply, I prioritise you in front of all the important things in my life. While you never will. You never will remember about me when you're outside. I'm always placed last. Last in your heart.

You took advantage of my love, you knew no matter how bad you treat me or how you neglect me, I'll still be right behind here for you. You took advantage of this point, you forgot I'm a human too, I have feelings. You forgot about me. You forgot about our love.

Its a bumpy ride throughout, from the message I sent to you this morning should have clearly shown that I did not want to give up on this relationship.
But now, I find it tough. Its me, fighting against you. How can we ever make it? I ask myself again.
Why am I always so fucking happy overlooking all the mistakes you've done, but behind all these I'm another one crying in the bathroom with running water hoping it could drown the weeping sound of mine? Baby you've forgotten that I'm the one who could love you so deeply. I can sacrifice everything for you, I'm willing to give everything up for you. But. You never know.
You think I'm strong all the while?

You never will understand how a guy you loved so deeply took advantage of your love.
You never understand how much effort I put in this relationship.
You never will understand how tough it is to fight against the one you love so deeply. Because you are not me. You fuckingly forgotten it all. This is a wake up call to you, I hope all these will come to an end.

I hope one day, we could change our identities and so you would know how badly I would have felt.
In the past, you never allow me to cry. I only laugh, no tears. But now?

When I love someone, I'm willing to spend my time and all my heart with him, I devote myself fully to him. But when he breaks my heart, I breakdown crying. Seeing him in nowhere..
Because, Baby you weren' t there for me when I needed you so badly.

Today, Baby was so sleepy and being so indecisive about where to go ):
Me, started having my crazy fits again. I just need to let my tears out so badly, it was inevitable. I didn't want to let Baby see, but he just seem to know. He poked my waist, and I just uncontrollably turned to him and hugged him tightly. At that moment, it just feel so great.
I think, once in awhile, its okay to appear weak in front of him.

Supposingly, Baby would be having movies with his friends @ 6. And he asked me to join them, but the tickets are all sold out! So I can't join them for movies and I headed home alone, very sad right ): Baby felt bad too >:

So my Baby said next week I wanna go where he will just follow, so should I go Sentosa or shopping?

April Fool, Good Friday

Oh, April Fool is over!

I didn't get fooled by anyone, neither did I fool anyone.
Unlike last year, when I tricked Baby that his pants have a hole.
And my best friend, I asked if she could let me have her bf as I fell in love with her bf!
HAHAHAH
This year was so quiet, not even a single foolish message did I receive.

Yesterday school was mundane, and I didn't like it a lot as it ended as early as 1.15pm!
From now on, I'm going to hate all Mondays and Thursdays!! ):
I prefer spending more time in school, if I get home early I'll have nothing to do and my mind will..
SIGH.
Fortunately, there was Math remedial yesterday and I went. Ended 1 hour later, and I still didn't want to go home so I stayed and did my homework outside the staffroom alone.
And in the night had cinnamon melts with sis! Finally MacDonald's' selling it again.

Hmmm, I'm going out later on, with Baby. Hope today would be a better day! (:
Can't wait to see him, the excitement and my happiness!!!! Arghhhh.
But it would be better if I don't show my true feelings right??